Adventures with anxiety: The power of journaling
Hey everyone! It’s been a while since I posted some short, easy to read content on here and so here goes… I’m going to begin writing some small blog posts about my adventures with anxiety.
I’ve had anxiety for a long time, almost 15 years now, which is half of my life. I was journaling this morning and when I realised it had been that long - half of my life - I almost gasped out loud. Instead, I gasped internally and decided I would begin to speak out about this condition which I’ve battled with for so long, by putting some words about it out there.
I’m not sure if I was ever officially diagnosed with anxiety disorder, or if I just worked out that was what I had. For a period of time in my teenage years I thought I had phobias or OCD’s, which I do believe I have some tendencies of, but it has become clear to me through the investigation of mental health and numerous visits to doctors and health professionals that I have anxiety. My anxiety is not generalised, although in the time I’ve had it it has spread from certain situations into more aspects of my day to day life.
I know anxiety well. I have been anxious a lot of the time of my almost 30 years on the planet. Anxiety has been the reason I’ve cried, run, fought and spent a lot of time frustrated and exhausted. Anxiety tried to swallow me whole.
Have you ever been in the ocean and at the last minute you notice a big wave coming towards you and before you have time to get out of the way it comes down full force on top of you? A wall of heavy water hitting you, annihilating you, swamping you. You swallow water. You taste salt. You realise you can’t breathe. Your lungs don’t have enough air in them. And then you reach up and break the surface of the water, bringing your face back up and readying yourself for that precious intake of air that you so desperately need. But before you can inhale, another wave lands on top of you. You are crushed by the all consuming water. You realise just how small you are, how at the mercy of the elements you are, how weak you are.
Eventually, you do manage to gasp in a breath of air. You take a few seconds to reassess. Did you almost just die? Are you being overdramatic? You feel mind shatteringly exhausted. You are tired in your bones, in your head, in your core. Your limbs are heavy and your brain is fuzzy. You need to sleep for an eternity.
You may get that sleep you need. Or you may not. At some point, the waves begin to strike you once more.
For a long time, that’s what anxiety felt like for me.
I want to reach out to anyone that is feeling or has felt this way. You are not alone. So many of us experience anxious thoughts and feelings. So many of us change our behaviour to fit our anxieties.
Step one on beginning to see things more clearly?
Journaling.
The power of journaling is unmatched in the way it can instantly soothe our minds. Getting things out of our heads and down onto the page is a very cathartic process as it allows us to express our innermost thoughts, feelings and behaviours freely, without the worry that we will be judged by others. No-one is going to read your journal, so you can really let your thoughts fly as your pen glides across the paper. You may think I’m old fashioned, but I recommend using good old pen and paper for this process as you will feel more connected to the process through the physical action of writing. You can also doodle in your journal if you’re feeling creative or artsy.
The reason that getting our thoughts out of our heads and down onto a page is so important is that it allows us to process things more fully, and makes sure that certain thoughts or feelings don’t fester inside of us. It’s a healthy way of expressing ourselves and getting to know our own emotions better.
You don’t have to journal a certain amount each day - if you only have time for a few lines that’s fine. I would suggest that you schedule in a time for you to do this each day and set a reminder on your phone to ensure you do it. Once you’ve done it enough, it will become a habit like brushing your teeth and you won’t need reminding. Finding the best time of day for you can take a few attempts too - I used to journal in the evening but now I find that morning journaling works best to set me up for the day.
If you struggle with the process, a great thing to do is to practice gratitude journaling instead. Simply writing down three things you are grateful for today will shift your focus towards positivity. The things you are grateful for can be a person, place, experience, opportunity, or something small like the taste of your coffee or the colour of the sky.
I hope that this post has given you an insight into the way that anxiety can feel and perhaps it’s reminded you that every one of us struggles in some way. Get those thoughts out of your head and down on paper today.
I wish you all well in your journaling!
#JournalingForWellbeing