I’m standing in front of the post office counter in disbelief. I have no idea how to respond. She presses me again, “Why not?”, insistent in her need to know the answer and I crumble; begin justifying myself. “We love our life, we love to travel, we don’t have the savings…” on and on I drone until even I know I’m talking rubbish.
I leave the post office, face aflame with embarrassment, and note that this isn’t the first time I’ve had this awkward conversation, and I doubt very much that it will be the last.
I’d been talking to an acquaintance, the mother of my sister’s friend from school. Someone I haven’t seen or spoken to for around fifteen years, but we recognised each other instantly. Whilst running the errand, I’d gone into the post office to get some currency for our trip to Uzbekistan – I was happily surprised when I got to the front of the queue and saw her working there.
We chatted for a few minutes as she counted the currency. I congratulated her on recently becoming a grandmother. She returned the congratulations as she said she’d seen on social media that I got married a few years before.
In the midst of our polite conversation, she said “Not long now until you’re starting a family of your own then”, along with a conspiratorial grin. When I responded with, “Oh no, Tom and I don’t want children”, I hoped that would be the end of the conversation.
Her face dropped as quickly as if I’d slapped her. Her immediate response was to ask me “Why?” whilst pinching her face into a puckered frown. I could tell she was truly puzzled. I wanted to laugh and tell her I didn’t need to explain myself, but instead, I found myself justifying our decision.
Once I’d finished my stumbling tirade of ‘reasons’, she handed over the currency and shared her wisdom by explaining, “Well, you’re still young enough to change your mind.”.
I was outside before her parting quip actually sunk in. Shocked at the exchange and furious that I’d been expected to explain our decision to forego having children, as well as it then being inferred that I was immature in the decision I’d made, I went to my car and sat for a few minutes to calm down.
I felt demeaned, humiliated and shamed. I decided then and there that I would never feel this way about my decision again.
Prioritising The Life I Want – Travel and Adventure Over Having Children
This has been a very personal journey for me. Choosing not to have children has enabled me to let go of the expectations of society, understand what it is I actually want from life and chase after that as fast as I can.
I feel extremely lucky and very humble to be able to say that I’m happy with my life. I live a nomadic lifestyle and work remotely as a digital nomad. I’ve found a partner who wants the same things as me from life. We both prioritise a life full of travel and adventure over routine and conventionalism.
